It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
