He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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