I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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