Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
