I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
