? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
