I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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