threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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