i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
