I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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