have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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