Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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