I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
