I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
