At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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