I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
