Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize