I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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