dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
