I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
