I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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