you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
