She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
