My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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