Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my liver is dry heaving
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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