Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
