I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
