The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize