we have officially lost it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
