just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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