I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
