i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
