The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
