Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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