wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize