I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
