the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You pole danced in your parka.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize