She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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