i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The power of my boobs compel you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
