I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
