Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
