You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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