Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize