I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
