this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
