Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
