just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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