went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
