I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
