Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
do nipples grow back?
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