Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
