We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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