you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize