if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
