Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even my vagina gasped.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
