yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
