So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
