Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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