and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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