i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
