I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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