I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
