Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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