Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
