You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize