Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
