Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
