dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
