i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
