If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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