She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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