The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize