I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
