kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
