is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
