There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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