she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
